In a sad attempt at being relevant to the times, Republicans have created the totally hip website American Speaking Out, with hopes of changing the image of the Republican party from gun-totin’, minority-hatin’, money-grubbin’, irrelevant bigots to a more hip party that anyone can be proud of joining and blogging about on their iPhones. I can see them now, smug smiles on their faces: “Look, we’re now downloaded on the internets!”

And as they want to convince people, they will let the voices on their website shape the political policies that they focus on from here on out (well, you know, if it agrees with what they already believe). From their website:

America deserves a Congress that respects the priorities of the people. Unfortunately, Washington hasn’t been listening. Let’s change that. America Speaking Out is your opportunity to change the way Congress works by proposing ideas for a new policy agenda. Republicans have offered solutions, and we have our principles, but this is a new venue for us to listen to you. So Speak Out.

Oh, and spoke out they have. The site contains five clickable categories where anyone can “debate ideas that are posted, offer one of your own, or just look around.” Then people can post responses and vote them either up or down the priority list. Look under all of the lists and most of the top suggestions are more progressive, liberal ideas – and of course, liberals have invaded the site with some hilariously over-the-top conservative ideas, but the frightening part is that sometimes I couldn’t tell whether or not the suggestions were liberal tongue-in-cheek suggestions or teabaggers serious thoughts. Here are just a few popular suggestions:

all leaders should proclaim faith in Jesus Christ. anyone who does not, like muslims and atheists should be removed from office.

I should have the right to name my children using numbers. If I want to name my child l33t, I should be able to name him that.

we need to employ some of those invincible black knights from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Robots aren’t yet people, but someday they will be. We must plan ahead and grant robots full voting rights, as well as the ability to seek the presidency. We must also make sure they get whatever demand, because a new form of life should be welcomed into the world. Further, they must be allowed to serve in the military. In fact, they should be in charge of the military. WE MUST DRAFT A ROBOT RIGHTS ACT before we need one!

Of course, there are plenty more that are serious. Here are some of the issues that have been voted to the top of each respective category. Take note, GOP.

Each year taxpayers foot the bill for a “war on drugs” that costs tens of billions of dollars, results in hundreds of thousands of arrests, and does absolutely nothing to solve the drug problem in this country. It’s time that we end the ineffective prohibition approach (just like we did with alcohol), and enact a new system of legalized regulation and taxation for drugs like marijuana. In addition to generating fiscal savings and new tax revenue for our economy, legalization will also improve public safety and national security by bankrupting the violent gangs and cartels who control the currently illegal market for drugs.

Repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Simple. Let the LGBT community serve in the military.

Government funds should not go towards religious organizations. I don’t want big government getting involved in my religion, and I don’t want money being wasted on something I don’t believe in. End the “christian nation” bull, taxpayer money shouldn’t be wasted on religion (it falls into the category of “wasteful government spending”). So repeal the law about faith based initiatives.

Good for you, Republican party. Good for you. Welcome to 1998.

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