No, this is not the clever title of the new ‘Wedding Crashers’ sequel, unfortunately. However, if you’re not up to anything this year Vince Vaughn, give me a call because I have a great idea for you.
I have absolutely no idea how you sneak into the White House, supposedly the most secure place on the planet, but Michaele and Tareq Salahi snuck their way into a Presidential soirée honoring the Prime Minister of India, Manmohan Singh this past Tuesday. Now, I don’t know about you, but after hearing about this story I had a pretty good idea about how this whole night had to have gone down.
First, Michaele and Tareq hatched a plan to sneak into the White House to steal the Queen’s Crown Jewels, which were on display for the Prime Minister of India’s awesome State Dinner Celebration Extravaganza. Michaele then contacted his saucy black friend, (played by Samuel L. Jackson) who also works inside the White House to take a plate full of Maryland crabcakes to the snipers on the roof. Only the crabcakes are chock full of sedatives. When the snipers passed out, Michaele, Tareq, and their little Asian-gymnast friend parachuted onto the roof of the White House. After rendezvousing with saucy black friend, they employed the skills of their Asian gymnast friend to shut down the laser-alarm system in the vents, which allowed the Salahis to strip off their jumpsuits into their formal party-wear, sneak through the vents into the party, hobnob with the Chief of Staff and VP before giving the President a casual by formal head nod. They then were able to sneak into the crown jewel room while everyone was distracted, talking about who that couple was that no one knew, hide the jewels in Tareq’s purse and walk out the door with them. Easy as 1-2-3, right?
Actually, it was apparently a lot easier than all of that. And, sadly, none of it involved a heist with the Crown Jewels either. That was just an awesome catalyst for the plot of a heist movie I’m going to write and then sell to the director of the movie ‘2012’. No, I guess the Salahis were just looking for a good party and they heard there was a bitchin’ one at the White House. So they showed up, passed through a couple of security checkpoints and voila, there they were in a room with some of the most important people on the planet.
Boy, Secret Service’s face must be a little red right now. Obviously these people aren’t even real spies. Real spies would never post their espionage pictures on facebook. So, this naturally begs the question: if the Salahis aren’t spies, but can sneak into the White House, where, then, can the real spies sneak into?
If you’d like to read the original article about the Salahi Spies, check it out here.