stephenkingWell, it looks like Stephen King is still the only cool thing to ever come out of Maine (alright, it’s aesthetically pleasing and they have some tasty lobster, but as the old adage goes, there are plenty of lobster in the sea). Yesterday, what could have been a monumental day for the fight for legalized same-sex marriage in America, 53% of Maine voters proved their ignorance and bigotry by repealing the law that made it legal for two people in love, regardless of their genitalia, to marry.

“It has all come together tonight, the institution of marriage has been preserved in Maine, and across this nation,” Stand for Marriage campaign manager Frank Schubert said today.

Also preserved in Maine, the institution of being a douchebag. Membership is apparently high. Join today.

Of course, those associated with Stand for Marriage are not anti-gay, just anti-human rights. “The campaign was very clear about that,” declared spokesman Scott Fish. “This was a campaign about protecting traditional marriage.” I hope next they fight for legalizing child brides, making dowries hip again, and never, ever letting a black man voodoo trance an innocent white woman into marriage. It’s called tradition, folks. Look it up. Traditions such as segregation, drowning witches, and exploiting the poor are an essential part of what makes us such a unique and strong country. Like how my grandfather will never ever cook the meal or do the laundry. That’s grandma’s job and if she doesn’t know it, he should have the right to slap her until she remembers her role – the sanctity of spousal abuse must be preserved at all costs, to preserve the tradition of marital roles

mainelaimeThis is an unfounded hunch, but as a Democratic swing state, I wonder had every registered voter had turned out to vote, if the outcome would have been the same. Unfortunately, the conservative right seems far more passionate about denying gay couples the right to happily marry than the heterosexual left-leaning citizens are of preserving this right. There is the mentality of, “Hey, there are enough of us that believe in this cause, I’ll let them vote. I just don’t have the time to swing by the polls between work and my tennis lessons.” I think we’re all in agreement that one hour out of a single one of our days would be worth the other outcome, no?

This is an uphill battle, folks, and it just got a little more steep today. If this were that classic floppy-disked Oregon Trail game, our Conestoga wagon has tipped over, we lost forty-seven pounds of meat, had to replace the axle, and Bob came down with dysentery, but onward we go. We knew the trek wasn’t going to be easy nor quick – but I’m confident what is right will prevail, just not until people step up, take action, and begin to stand up for what is right as human beings and what is right as a country that laughably proclaims its supposed freedom from the oppression religious ideologies. If the federal government isn’t going to step up and do something about this issue of human rights, then it is up to us.

oregontrail

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