The Affordable Care Act is explained here.

Ricky Gervais: “Wow. No God. If Mum had lied to me about God, had she also lied to me about Santa? Yes, but who cares? The gifts kept coming. And so did the gifts of my newfound atheism. The gifts of truth, science, nature. The real beauty of this world. Not a world by design, but one by chance. I learned of evolution – a theory so simple and obvious that only England’s greatest genius could have come up with it. Evolution of plants, animals, and us – with imagination, free will, love and humor. I no longer needed a reason for my existence, just a reason to live. And imagination, free will, love, humor, fun, music, sports, beer, and pizza are all good enough reasons for living.”

Bill Gates: “Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There’s a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.”

Isaac Asimov: “If I were not an atheist, I would believe in a God who would choose to save people on the basis of the totality of their lives and not the pattern of their words. I think he would prefer an honest and righteous atheist to a TV preacher whose every word is God, God, God, and whose every deed is foul, foul, foul.”

David Cross: “Oh, so I was watching that show – uh, the fuck – the show where the, uh, there’s the guy on stage and then everybody in the audience believes that he, uh, has contact with the dead and spirits talk to him… Crossing…? No, no, no, no – it was church.”

Jodie Foster: “There is no direct evidence, so how could you ask me to believe in God when there’s absolutely no evidence that I can see? I do believe in the beauty and the awe-inspiring mystery of the science that’s out there that we haven’t discovered yet, that there are scientific explanations for phenomena that we call mystical because we don’t know any better.”

Ingmar Bergman: “When you die, you are extinguished. From beingyou will be transformed to non-being. A god does notnecessarily dwell among our capricious atoms.”

Douglas Adams: “If you describe yourself as ‘atheist,’ some people will say, ‘Don’t you mean ‘agnostic?’ I have to reply that I really do mean atheist. I really do not believe that there is a god – in fact, I am convinced that there is not a god, a subtle difference. I see not a shred of evidence to suggest that there is one. It’s easier to say that I am a radical atheist, just to signal that I really mean it, have thought about it a great deal, and that it’s an opinion I hold seriously. It’s funny how many people are genuinely surprised to hear a view expressed so strongly.”

Janeane Garofalo: “Organized religions and their dogmas only serve to indoctrinate the participants into sheeplike common behaviors. This type of blind assimilation promotes the popularity of top-forty count down radio stations and movie sequels. Skepticism towards groups, holy or otherwise, is enriching and makes you a far more entertaning person.”

Roger Ebert: “I hope to be spared as much pain as possible on the approach path. I was perfectly content before I was born, and I think of death as the same state. What I am grateful for is the gift of intelligence, and for life, love, wonder, and laughter. You can’t say it wasn’t interesting. My lifetime’s memories are what I have brought home from the trip. I will require them for eternity no more than that little souvenir of the Eiffel Tower I brought home from Paris.”

Katherine Hepburn: “I’m an atheist, and that’s it. I believe there’s nothing we can know except that we should be kind to each other and do what we can for each other.”

Brad Pitt: “I’m probably 20 per cent atheist and 80 per cent agnostic. I don’t think anyone really knows. You’ll either find out or not when you get there, until then there’s no point thinking about it.”

Joaquin Phoenix: “I don’t believe in god. I don’t believe in an afterlife. I don’t believe in soul. I don’t believe in anything. I think it’s totally right for people to have their own beliefs if it makes them happy, but to me it’s a pretty preposterous idea.”

Daniel Radcliffe: “I’m an atheist, but I’m very relaxed about it. I don’t preach my atheism, but I have a huge amount of respect for people like Richard Dawkins who do. Anything he does on television, I will watch.”

Frank Zappa: “The whole foundation of Christianity is based on the idea that intellectualism is the work of the Devil. Remember the apple on the tree? Okay, it was the Tree of Knowledge. “You eat this apple, you’re going to be as smart as God. We can’t have that.”

Sarah Polley: “I don’t have faith in anything but my fellow human beings and the world around me. I have strong faith in people, but not beyond people. The world is a beautiful place, it’s a beautiful enough place for me to worship and have faith in and – it’s enough for me.”

Hitler was a formal member of the Catholic Church.  Based on the crazy logic people are using these days, there would be a lot of places in Europe that it would be insensitive to have Catholic churches.  Especially if you are Jewish.

Here’s something else for you to get all radical about.  The Pentagon, which was another target of the September 11th attacks, actually has a mosque in it.  It’s not two blocks away from the site.  It’s actually on the site.

Representative Jerrold Nadler, a New York Democrat, said the federal government shouldn’t put any pressure on local officials regarding the mosque. There is a mosque in the Pentagon, also a target of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, which hasn’t drawn any criticism, Nadler said.

You can check out the whole article here.

I, for one, would be all for working out a compromise.  Like getting rid of all of the churches near Ground Zero regardless of what people worship there.

Those are the words of former Speaker of the House and total douche Newt Gingrich.  First off, Gingrich is going on marriage number three.  His infidelity is well documented.  When discussing the union of two people and the sanctity of marriage… what’s that they say about people in glass houses?

The bigoted Gingrich would like to take the basic human right of marriage and deprive homosexuals of that right.

Federal district judge Hon. Vaughn R. Walker recently rejected Proposition 8 as unconstitutional, which more than likely means a trip through the appeals process before leading to a final decision in the Supreme Court.  Walker had a very eloquent rationale for his decision:

Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license.  Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite sex couples are superior to same-sex couples. Because California has no interest in discriminating against gay men and lesbians, and because Proposition 8 prevents California from fulfilling its constitutional obligation to provide marriages on an equal basis, the court concludes that Proposition 8 is unconstitutional.

Detractors will continue to chirp that California has voted not once, but twice, to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman.  People of logic will continue to counter that it doesn’t matter what the majority wants if it denies the civil liberties of but just one American citizen.

Sources: 1, 2, 3

A transpartisan initiative, ‘Just Say Now’ is a campaign supported by several politicians, litigators, law enforcement officials, and physicians.  The cast of ‘Half Baked’ was not included on the advisory board, however, Nancy Reagan has prematurely rolled over in her grave.

The goals of Just Say Now include:

• Organize transpartisan support for ending marijuana prohibition across the country by combining the online organizing efforts of Firedoglake, which has 100,000 readers a day, with the grassroots organizing abilities of Students for Sensible Drug Policy, with chapters at 150 campuses across the country.
• Turn out voters to support marijuana initiatives on the 2010 ballot in Arizona, Oregon, California, Colorado and South Dakota.
• Work to get marijuana initiatives on the ballot in multiple states in 2012, with an emphasis on presidential battleground states, to encourage a national conversation about marijuana policy during the next election.
• Inform the conversation around ending prohibition and educate the public about the true state of our antiquated drug policy
• Encourage government at all levels to adopt more sane, pragmatic and reasonable policy regarding marijuana.

This legislation should also help to stimulate the snack food industry, which would be great for Pennsylvania business, Troyer Farms. If you’re sitting in your dorm room now, thinking about how great it’d be to splash some water in that bong, turn on your black light, smoke some endo, and then pop in Pink Floyd’s ‘The Wall’, go join the movement at justsaynow.com (Apparently the website is being hosted at firedoglake.com).

Will the United States cave into the decade long desires of people like Bob Dylan and Tom Petty? We’ll find out in the upcoming years.

Sources: 1, 2

Worried about potential GOP amendments to the bill, Democrats decided to suspend the rules before the consideration of the bill, which also changed the required number of votes from a simple majority to a two-thirds majority in order for the bill to pass.  This led to Republicans voting ‘No’ at an overwhelming clip to a bill that would have provided health care to those affected by the 9/11 attacks.  And collectively America sighs.

This procedural faux pas has Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) pissed off.

And he will not yield.

Sources: 1, 2

That’s a little glimpse of the mental capacity of the man in the title.

Typically (sadly) this wouldn’t strike me as anything more crazy than I’d hear on an average day on the news. However, what captured my attention and I found particularly agitating was the fact that this man had his PhD. “Why does this bother you so?” you might ask. Well, it’s because someday I’d like to have my PhD (or at least my EdD), and this ass-clown is really devaluing the worth of a doctorate.

I’m sure by now you’re wondering how this one person could single-handedly destroy the value of the most prestigious academic achievement mankind has to offer. In order to better understand this, let’s dig a little bit deeper into the life of this big, dumb man-child and see what comes about. **Brace yourselves for large bouts of laughter, followed by immediate feelings of nausea and remorse, please.**

“Dr.” Kent Hovind completed his bachelor of religious education degree at Midwestern Baptist College in Pontiac, Michigan in 1974. He was awarded his Master’s degree in 1988 from Patriot University in Colorado Springs. By 1989 he founded the Creation Science Evangelism Ministry and by 1991 had earned a “doctorate” in Christian Education from Patriot University as well. Now the problem with all of these degrees that Kent was earning was that Patriot University was (and is still) a non-accredited university (accreditation is an award given to universities that prove the quality of their education through all kinds of different, rigorous measures. My alma mater is NCATE accredited, for example). It may be misleading if you go to their website, however, because they claim that they’re accredited, just not by the ‘government.’  It’s accredited by God.  Unfortunately for the graduates from Hillbilly U., God’s signature of accreditation is worth about as much as accreditation from Santa Claus.

Now, onto some other points of interest in Hovi’s life. Don’t worry, we’ll get back to his academic credentials in a hot minute.

For now though, let’s move onto another facet. A little place I like to call…

Kent is also the creator of Dinosaur Adventure Land (DAL), a theme park based on creationism located behind his house in Pensacola, Florida. Yes, he’s serious. Read a little bit about Dinosaur Adventure Land here and try not to pee your pants as you giggle. Learn about dinosaurs, principles of science, and even how to make a paper airplane that can fly over 300 feet! Wow! I’m really excited about the paper airplane! I hope the Tyrannosaurus Rex teaches me how to make it! How this swindler made enough money to build a theme park in his backyard is well beyond me. Parents, this is precisely why you don’t tell your kids growing up that they can do anything. Because some of them may actually try.  And then be successful.

If you’ve already booked your flight to Florida to visit Dinosaur Adventure Land, however, you may want to check and see if you can get some vouchers for those tickets; DAL is closed indefinitely due to Kent’s federal tax evasion charges. Oh, and also because he didn’t obtain a building permit from the city of Pensacola before he built an amusement park in his backyard. There were 58 tax-related charges levied against him before he decided that he needed to try and save DAL for the children by deeding his theme park to his brother, Eric Hovind, and his equally zany partner in crime, Glen Stoll. Unfortunately, that’s illegal and is considered tax evasion. You don’t get points for trying and all you probably did was piss the federal government off more. They just want to seize your assets, Kent. And The Man gets what The Man wants.  Unlike your god.

Now, all of this wackiness isn’t really even what irks me the most about the guy; the federal charges, using God as an excuse as to why he didn’t file his taxes, the zany theme park he built for himself in his backyard (that does kind of bug me, actually. What a waste of money). What does bother me, however, is that this man refers to himself as “Dr. Hovind”, or, on his crazy-ass website, as “Dr. Dino”.  I’d like to preface what I’m about to show you with just how hard earning a PhD should be.

In a nutshell, on top of the coursework required by the university you attend, in order to obtain a PhD you have to create an original piece of academic research. Along the way you submit pieces of this research to publications so that, basically, everyone can bash it and you can see how well it holds up to the criticism of other professionals in the field. The peer review process is absolutely brutal, but necessary, to ensure the legitimacy of the research. After years of research, writing, rewriting, repeating, you submit your final thesis to be reviewed by a counsel that determines whether its an original, acceptable body of research or not.

I’ve seen this process bring some of the smartest, motivated people I’ve ever met to their metaphorical knees. But in the end, the collection of work submitted is (or should be) immense, compelling, and influential.

My interest was piqued about this crazy bastard and what kind of crazy, genius sociopath he was.  I had built him up to ‘Brain’ status from the Warner Bros. ‘Animaniacs’.  Simply diabolical.  How else could he get away with the shit that he got away with for so long?

After reading his dissertation, I will tell you how:

People are dumb.

I tried to read Hovind’s work, but it’s like a dammed Shakespearean tragedy.  I laughed.  I cried.  Eventually I just wanted to give up and read the cliff notes.  If you’d like, you can check out his dissertation right here.

If you’re not feeling overly ambitious about reading some terribly written bullshit, let me give you the abridged version.  “Dr.” Hovind’s doctoral dissertation begins as follows:

Hello, my name is Kent Hovind. I am a creation/science evangelist. I live in Pensacola, Florida. I have been a high school science teacher since 1976.

Holy shit.  I feel like he just introduced himself at a speed dating convention.  After suffering through minutes of that man’s work, I value his doctoral status less than Dr. Seuss, Dr. Dre, and Dr. Pepper. All of whom I think are more qualified to lecture to anyone about anything more than Kent Hovind. At least Doctors Seuss and Dre are fun to listen to. Hovind writes like a dammed fourth grader.

Another favorite:

I will be quick to point out that “there is nothing new under the sun” Most of my ideas are the result of the input of hundreds of Godly men and women through the years.

God dammit.  I may wretch on myself.

I’m glad you’re admittedly writing your dissertation about nothing new.  That should really help advance the field of whatever the hell it is you’re rambling on about for pages and pages and pages.

Hovind is a charlatan of the worst caliber.  A stupid one.  A man trying to sell ketchup popsicles to as many ladies wearing white gloves as he can.  And then he has a stash of white gloves waiting in the wings.  And the ladies can see them.  But they still buy the popsicles anyways.  I would probably be a little less frightened if I thought this lunatic didn’t actually believe in the shit that he does, but I have a sneaky suspicion that he thinks the Earth is only 4,000 years old and that Jesus rode on dinosaurs while he was helping the blind to see again.

Yep.  He’s definitely one of those guys.  One of my favorite parts in that video has to be when he references a leviathan.

“Now what on earth is a leviathan?” he asks.

Hopefully you’re not wondering the same thing, because he answers his own question by saying, “I think leviathan is probably Tyrannosaurus Rex.  I don’t know.  I can’t prove this.  But I’ve read it many times and it seems to fit and it may or may not be right, but I’m preaching tonight so for tonight it’s Tyrannosaurus Rex.”

He does, however, digress into some interesting facts about T-Rexes though.  And I have to admit, they sound pretty awesome.  I hope he can make up some more shit about dinosaurs in the Bible.  In fact, from now on, let’s just call dinosaurs ‘leviathans’ instead!  Then, I’ll go catch a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and sleep with my 75 virgins waiting for me after I save the Easter Bunny from the deadly clutches of Frankenstein’s monster.

Of course I can’t prove any of that is actually possible.

Thanks for diluting the field, Kent.  After listening to his pointless story about how his mom drug him behind their vehicle on his bike using a rope, I guess I kind of get an idea of the gene pool his family swims in.  I hope you enjoy prison, you dick.

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.

- Gautama Buddha, Kalama Sutra

I suppose if you made me guess a state that this man would be running for governor of…

Alabama, it’d be awfully embarrassing for this guy to be in charge of a Bojangles, let alone your entire state.  What a jackass.